Wilson Fu

After reading about vegans Mr. Fu must balance it out with a quick look at the Animal of the Day, The Cow. While much made fun of by Gary Larson in The Far Side, these domesticated ungulates are to the modern American male what the bison was to the earlier American male (say what you want about the accuracy of Wikipedia, it’s damn convenient, and you can’t beat the price).

And the reason that burgers made from the cow do not taste awful is because cows are made of meat! Well, actually they are made of vegetables, which cows magically transform into meat. So really Mr. Fu is like a vegetarian once removed. That is why the cow gets a place among the great carnivores and predators. What would great carnivores and predators be without a source of meat? We would be nothing at all:

Bovinae sum, ergo sum.

Or something like that.

The Orca, Killer Whale, Whale Killer, general oceanic bad-ass.  These are complex creatures, in many instances highly socially organized.  They are intelligent, employing complex hunting behaviors and they teach these behaviors to their young.  The Wiki article mentions that orcas have been known to hunt deer and moose on the islands off of the northwest shores of North America.

To an Orca, the world is black and white, you are either a source of food, or a potential source of food.  Mr. Fu likes ‘em!

The American Bald Eagle, national bird of the United States of America, symbol of our great nation, and bird of prey.  <sigh> Mr. Fu pauses while the Star Spangled Banner plays in his head.  <Sousa> And now the Liberty Bell March.  </Sousa>  Then the musical interlude passed…..

Mr. Fu has been pleased to note that over the years the Bald Eagle has increased in population along the Missouri and Platte Rivers of his native Nebraska.  TUFF McFu was know to fly along with the eagles along the Platte during his days as a Huey pilot.  The birds have become quite a tourist attraction.

More could be said, but the carnivore speaks for itself.

Perhaps this should be an Animal of the Week feature instead based on posting frequency?  Bah!

The animal of the day is the American Badger.  Ha, Mr. Fu’s favorite line from the regular Badger article:

Aside from Polar Bears (Ursus maritimus) and Humans (Homo Sapiens), Badgers are thought to be the only animals which attack without provocation.

Wow, if a regular badger is aggressive, you can bet that irregular badgers are even more so.

Mr. Fu advocates the breeding and distribution of badgers to all urban areas, at a ratio of one badger per one thousand people.  That will help eliminate some useless thinking and day dreaming when you have to pay attention to the next badger attack, around the corner.  And it will be illegal to shoot these badgers, only approved badger sticks or bare hands would be allowed in defending yourself against the badgers.  That should also contribute to the exercise program of several Americans.  Perhaps we could introduce polar bears at the ratio of one per 10,000?  Mr. Fu supposes firearms would have to be allowed then.

Think of the fun this could generate!  Because badgers are fun.  Oooo, snakes would be good to add to the mix as well.  Perhaps cottonmouths (Agkistrodon piscivorus)?  They motivate because they are aggressive and a bit bitey.

UPDATE:  The computer guy just objected to having inappropriate pictures on a work computer.  Mr. Fu reponded, “You idiot, that’s a badger not a beaver!”

Yes, Mr. Fu should probably post these daily to really qualify for some “of the Day” status.  Perhaps Mr. Fu cares not.

The Polar Bear is the animal of the day.  What can be said about this wonderful predator?  An apex predator as the Wikipedia article says (with an interesting list here).  They get bonus points just for being bears, moreso for being on the level of (if not surspassing) really cool bears like the related grizzly and kodiak.  Cool facts and observations are included in the article, RTWT.

The Chimpanzee is the animal of the day. Primates, what can we say? Chimpanzees have starred in movies and television, a source of great amusement. The Wikipedia article on Chimpanzees even manages to make a connection to Noam Chomsky. While Chomsky can be a source of great amusement, any implied connection to such a prominent collectivist is, I believe, an insult to our paniscus friends.

The Bat is as the Germans mostly say, a flying mouse. But a carnivorous flying mouse, well, more precisely, insectivorous. Did Mr. Fu mention flying? Bats have interesting flight characteristics when compared to birds. Bats are often associated with horror and vampires. They are also associated with the greatest comic book superhero ever, Batman. Bats inspire short, declarative sentences written in an amateurish style.

Bat:

Bat:

Batman:

Batmanuel:

Ah, the Praying Mantis. Insect, in one variation an intelligent enemy of Space Ghost, in another form a style of Kung Fu, recognized around the world as one hoopy frood of a bug.

The cougar is the animal of the day. Big cat, bigggg cat! Cougars are pretty emblematic of the American West: a solitary generalist predator, strong, fast, and intelligent. Just like any good American. Mr. Fu likes the kitties. See I Can Has Cheez Burger?

The Great Horned Owl. They’re not just pretty good, they’re Grrreat!